Attention

I vow to always try

we damage each other
and ourselves
with
ourselves

vow to always pay attention to
the potential damage
that can be done with words
and try
for the opposite

apologies cannot always
repair

I can only go on living and go
on trying

it is late and night and time to make some dinner and put things behind me and write the sentence to its end and see what is left over from there. a dad sadness hangs in the room. so turn the AC on, okay. stove flame up to burn pasta and worry over finances and dhamma talks which soothe the worry. as I bike to the store, kids from the car yell at me with a megaphone to pull over, and when I don't... he shouts at me: 'use yr signal next time." he approves as I push on, giving him a thumbs up, like a Thumbs Up Cola, India. and my large friend is what?... getting married on Friday, to a burnt up... mound of crack or?... and when I stupidly asked him who his best man is going to be... I am bound again. and forced to be my best. isn't that what I insist from others around me? the world goes on despite desperation and hard times. nothing lets up. get over that. we are being laughed at.

the most tender
of moments in a
Houston sprawl
sometimes you
don't realize how fast
everything all flies
here in the little H
concrete wasteland

think I need to go back to
up early sitting

in the end
silence for your neighbors
silence for your friends
silence for your enemies
silence for your "superiors"
silence for the ones you loved the most

peace to them all

Noting Nothing

"you're fired!"
but a comfortable life is desired
"we wanted to be Ninjas all the time"
inner city gym
busted up headphones
I like your vibe
but put your johnson away
pick me up a sandwich
along the way
turn your ringer off
upsetable is a word
they keep feeding her
so she stays alive
most the time
so she's hardly relatable now
transformation at the base
shadowcast an earlobe

what you say?
this thing anything
text from the celebra..
cellurum..
cellophane...
cerebral whole joint.
blown up
fall flat on its face
group photo
gotta be reshot
day ruiner
college park route one south
electric ave
all documents on the haves
stoop to stop the last half rots
foam cots
any which one
anythin
wheat thins mini thins
back from technical school
of zen trucking
now discussing
there's really nothing
nothing I'm ducking
I'm deep in my study
studying
truss me
maybe you should make
a space too
it could improve your poetry
rip you a new one
right on the front lawn
if you had one
I get it I get it
any access
is ALL access
out like a plow
losing the feeling of loose
any feeling is
the itch
the glitch in the matrix
read it backwards motherclucker
warns buzzed dog: Don't Do That!
remove the bottom rib
womankind
cluster of oxymorons
troops heavily armed mormons
armed to the teeth
from mid town fo sho'
faux hawks disrupt the
car show
gallery of morons
here's the munch
here's the church
here's the steeple
look inside and see
all the sheeple
carpet done dust bin hunch
in a bind
got milk? on a stomach crunch
crows in eyes
the hour grows late
smores fatten your thighs

unplanned childhood
I chant aum again

hands fly!
I give up I give up
the razor blade makes me
feel just fine
diamond detect four or five eyes
jewel heist wise
let's all break all the records
you're a broken rec room
throw up all
the contents of my lunch
all flash and no content
into the room
all fifth graders out there get out
a little sooner
I mem you sitting so silently
on my chest
could not live
the house did fall
I took pen to paper
nothing happened
noting nothing

this is a time we'll remember
"I transform the garbage in me so
you don't have to suffer"

Barbie verses Ken
this is a
connection
we can possibly sever
I mean really?
overlap
restoration
vestiges of this coffee
I'll have another
finger food
fowl mouthed for thought
finger tips for spit
where ya fly?
play the box set now
'cuz he died
and she died
for more than ten hour discussion
apply inside
ten an hour
any less and
you're a poor excuse for...
I still see the folds ya tucking in
difficult to keep your words in

the street came flying into the room

you're the hottest June and July
ever mentioned

take apart a sneeze
like a Timex watch
for planetary healing
change all the locks

A Human Place

Ten days of seclusion and getting to what I feel a more Human place. It is a workshop of the mind to confront yourself in isolation and stay out of everyone else's business no ifs ands or buts about it. Courage to be launched into space and just Left There for awhile and with the feeling you just might not be brought back. You go through cycles of euphoria and panic and somehow come out saner on the other end. I will be spending good careful sessions writing and contemplating over this, and sharing it.

I am actually still at the retreat center since today as we were about to drive away the car would not start (in trance still). We'll have it towed into the city for some love tomorrow and I'm eager to get back home to dive into continued meditations, writing, reading, and yes, resume work again.

I will be posting pictures of the beautiful place here on Facebook, later on Flickr. If you haven't added me yet on FB, soon my handle there will be bgkarma, so keep an eye out, and as Garrison says it best: "Do good work, and stay in touch..."

At The Movies

an end to
my vacation

tomorrow
work begins

that thing I been talking on —
Vipassana, ten day
radio silence
heightened awareness
altered states
sitting in the dark
no drugs or
TV or slasher flix
in system...
just You
(if you can handle that)

some wish me luck,
others like:
"Go fuck yourself"
which at
times I'm sure
I'll feel is exactly
what's happening

the great art of
self/non-self peering

dependent co-arising...
this is what
I was trying to explain
to the young man
from Chicago earlier
the right words
were not rising

I just woke from
this dream
someone at a bar
teaching me with a
needle how
to close shut
a cloth wound;
but was interrupted

my own movies gush out
every time Yorke
puts it down like
Where I End and You Begin,
Climbing Up The Walls, Electioneering...
the rapture
and talk of energy swirls
known as Chakras
skybursts
I heard if you
burst to tears
they send you on a
time out
to the
courtyard

okay
walk around a bit
turn over
rocks

a grand detox
no Bob Dylan
or Trip Hop
Wu-Tang, KRS,
Talib... etc.
no Dharma Bum
audiobooks...

no listing

a departure

all words
constructed by careful
mind to each letter
is how I
remember the
penning of cursive

all experience
as
Rising

rising up making an
appearance for
awhile

the sun

the soil wetted,
cloud treatment

zombies
walking for a cancer cure

ask them:
"why outbreak?
why is this happening?
nuclear testing?
a drunk, a punchup at a wedding...?"

they'll not say

"Blood crawls
across the cancer"
—Black Mountain

dependent...

creep everyone out

this life and anger
more I try to understand it
I'm lighter and lighter
bring myself
to a high side

function
still
upright
high percentage

forgive and let live
first we gotta live with
ourselves
knowing even others
won't forgive us
and so how?
grows heavy to think on
some cabins
turn to bacon
clouds get so spread thin
they pass on out then it's over

Terence McKenna - Conciousness & The End Of Time 2012 - We Are Experiencing Resonance From History

July Notes

TUESDAY

I am continuing to adjust to the new job and having very little personal time. By evening, I'm exhausted and ready to crash.

We move into our new apartment mid-August. Very exciting.

Watching John Cassavetes films at night. Oh, and what about Brian K. Vaughn, Warren Ellis? Comics, the new potatoes growing out the ears.

Chilled out. Leaned back in bed.

Keep thinking of books I wanna read, but the required energy is not at arm's length.

Feeling sedated. Spider bites that show up on my arm, discovered driving past the man-made pond. Texas. Texas heat. Texas humidity.

Buddha nature. High fever. Delusions and word play.

Save. Save your goddamn file. Beware of power outages.

Traffic is almost unbearable.

Type as fast as you can. Write a blur at the lunch table. Load headphones onto your ears and splash out the world. The time you wind up spending with yourself, without amenities, without radio, may reverberate something of interest.


WEDNESDAY

Going through manuals, articles, comics. The employee manual, for instance, says Congratulations! You were very carefully selected to join a team of elites. Now, prepare yourself for training that will ensue in the coming weeks and months. At the 3-month mark, the trial period is over, at which point we will weigh all the pros and cons and see if you're really worth it. Well, I am a ninja, bracelet or not. How keen are your powers of observation, higher-ups?

Articles. Well, this one has come in on my Google alerts. Seven Soldiers of Victory. Kicking your ass. Take notes.

I am
a full-time
student
of all the
little things
happening
around me

and so
are not you?

oh dear god
the communication
factor
flimsy in
the work space
each person
speaking
a different language
not understanding
each other
even during
a slow period
work moves
slow through the flow
a motherboard
swings like
a broken airplane wing

open mic
a quick drink

living down here
in the center of things
will be ideal
will be
more real
no more a
sitting duck in traffic
not like
now
anyway

backed up fifteen miles
checking for
new birth marks
damn
this one
was here
all along

landed on my chest
landed on the moon

they should send
some gay men
to jump around on
the moon
don't ask my why

random missions
to other planets
for the hell of it
in spite of
vedic injunctions
that say
"no, absolutely not
you cannot go!"

anarchism and vedanta
do not mix

I am a
simple minded anarchist
I am this and
that and this over here
anything
what was that?
I am alive inside
the Texas border
who would have
ever thought?
I've crossed over
into another life
the thing inevitable

you sync up to that
you disconnect later
queue the music or don't